Aside from food and water, one of the things we require most to thrive, and downright survive, is LOVE.
We’re always making conclusions about ourselves and the world around us.
We learn from a very young age that love is conditional.
I’ll get love if I do X and I won’t get love if I do, or don’t do, Y.
Does a two- or three-year-old “know” what’s good vs. what’s bad, what’s going to make mom or dad happy and what will result in love being withdrawn? No. We find out after the action whether or not it results in a smile on dad’s face or a frown on mom’s face.
Children internalize everything. And to them, it’s all about how loveable they believe they are.
It’s no wonder achieving a true state of authenticity is so difficult.
Do we ever really know who we are?
From the beginning, we learn that who we are doesn’t matter.
We’re kind of set up for a life of separateness, aren’t we?
We can’t be ourselves – that isn’t safe and doesn’t get us love.
As children, we constantly strive to receive love.
We’re always becoming who our primary care givers want us to be.
We carry that into adulthood as we constantly guess what others want from us, who they want us to be.
And one of our primary fears is rejection. We will avoid it at all costs.
Why? Because we are programmed to “fit in” for our survival.
If we got ousted from the tribe, kicked out of the cave or the tree, we would die.
Living a truly authentic life means being able to love ourselves unconditionally. And most people don’t because they’ve made conclusions about themselves that aren’t supportive, empowering and loving.
It’s not our fault but the best news is, we can learn to love ourselves again.